Posted: 18 Jun 2011 01:47 AM PDT
My kids always surprise me with different gifts on Father's Day. This is why Father's Day has always been both a joy and a worry as my kids were growing up. I was always afraid they were going to give me a present that I couldn't afford.
Being a father myself today is my day.
And representing the fathers all over the country.... (I would like to think that I am representing the sentiments of all the fathers in this country that have been misunderstood......), inspired by this material from the Internet that I have kept all these years for such a day like today....
Allow me to both declare and explain:
BECAUSE I'M A DAD...
...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
...when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after standing in the rain and pneumonia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
...when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
...I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Vouge" or "Better Homes & Gardens."
...when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
...I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?
...you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
...I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
You need to allow me the privilege of claiming my rights today...even at least for today.......
And here is another material I am sure you will enjoy.
It is called: "THE FATHERHOOD CYCLE"
4 years: "My Daddy can do anything."
7 years: "My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot."
12 years: "Oh, well - naturally - Father doesn't know that either."
14 years: "Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned."
21 years: "Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?"
25 years: "He knows a little bit about it - but not much."
30 years: "Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks."
35 years: "Let's ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision."
40 years: "I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart."
50 years: "My Dad knew absolutely everything."
60 years: "I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man."
Happy Father's Day!
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