Thursday 8 August 2013

zen habits: The Fear of Being Found a Fraud

zen habits: The Fear of Being Found a Fraud


The Fear of Being Found a Fraud

Posted: 08 Aug 2013 07:36 AM PDT

By Leo Babauta

My friend Brian asked me yesterday what my biggest fear might be, and the first fear that came out of my mouth was: “The fear that people will discover I’m a fraud.”

The truth is, this fear isn’t something I think about a lot, but it’s often present in the background of my mind, unnoticed but working its dark magic on me. Lots of fears work this way, and until we say them aloud, they have a power over us. Once we say them out loud, really bring them out in the light of day, and give them some thought, we take away their power.

How might I be found a fraud? Lots of ways:

  • Because I blog about habits, and mindfulness, and simplicity and minimalism, people have certain ideas about who I am. This picture in people’s heads isn’t true, of course, because the reality is never the same as the fantasy. What if you find out I’m not what you think I am?
  • People might think I’m amazing at forming habits, and while it’s true I’ve found some pretty good success over the years, much of the time I still struggle, and still fail. Habits aren’t just a skill you learn and then all of a sudden, you can flip a switch for any habit you want to create. You have to constantly remotivate yourself, constantly check your urges to quit, constantly analyze what’s working and how to overcome the obstacles that come up. Each habit is different, and yet they’re all the same in this way.
  • I put myself forward as a minimalist, but I’m not nearly as extreme a minimalist as others. I’m OK with that, because for me minimalism is a philosophy, not a competition. It’s a check against the urges and consumerist tendencies of our modern consumerist lives. So yes, I might have less than the average person, but I still buy stuff regularly, and I worry people will judge me for that.
  • I’m a fairly successful blogger by most standards, and so people might think I have it all figured out. I don’t. I’m still figuring things out. I still have nervousness, with every post, that I’ll be judged and thought stupid. This has gotten less true as I’ve come to know my audience and trust that you’re a very positive, supportive group, but honestly it still happens. For example, someone attacked me on Twitter a couple days ago for my post on a Healthful Vegan Diet. Apparently, I don’t know anything! And I accept this as true.
  • I’m a husband and father of six, and I do my best, but while others might see my family life and think I’m an amazing dad and husband, the truth is I don’t always know what I’m doing, I get mad at my kids, I fight with my wife on a regular basis, I fail often. I do my best, but I fall short all the time.

This comes down to one thing: my imagining of the expectations others might have of me, and my fear that I won’t meet those expectations.

And the honest truth is, I won’t meet those expectations.

So here’s what I do.

I realize that I can’t meet the fantasies of others.

I try to be honest, and not just present a façade. This post is an attempt to do that, as was my failure post. If others have a fantasy of me, perhaps I can make that fantasy more like reality.

I try to be myself, which is really the best I can do. If I’m authentic, I can’t be a fraud, because I’m just being who I am. Of course, I’m always trying to figure out who that self is, and the self is constantly changing, so it’s an interesting endeavor.

I realize I’m still learning, am never “perfect”, and will always be learning. That’s all I can hope for.

I ask myself, “What would happen if the fear came true?” And the truth is, even if I were found to be a fraud by everyone I know and many I don’t, I would be OK. My life would go on. I might need to find another job, but I think I’d be OK sweeping floors or chopping vegetables (both activities I enjoy, btw).

I smile, and give thanks that I’ve been given the chance to write, to share, to connect, to help in some small way. That’s an amazing gift, and I won’t let the scared little child in me ruin it with its complaints.

So thank you, my friends. I’m happy to be here.

Monday 5 August 2013

zen habits: The Flexible Mind

zen habits: The Flexible Mind


The Flexible Mind

Posted: 05 Aug 2013 08:06 AM PDT

By Leo Babauta

When I reflect back on how much happier I am these days compared to my life about 8 years ago, I realize it’s not all a result of better habits (though that’s a part of it).

Here’s what I’ve changed that makes me happier:

  • Instead of stressing out about meeting goals, deadlines, timelines, I have learned a way of flowing.
  • Instead of getting mad at people not meeting my expectations, I’m looser with what I expect of others.
  • Instead of getting mad at things not turning out how I’d like, I accept that things are unpredictable, and accept what happens.

Most of the time, that is.

In other words, I’ve developed a flexible mind.

This is one of the best changes I’ve made, because it gives me more peace of mind and happiness. It took some time to develop this mental habit, and I’ll share with you here why and how I did it.

Why Develop Flexible Mind

The root cause of frustration, irritation, anger, sadness is an inflexible mind — one that wants to hold onto the way we wish things were, the ideas we're comfortable with. When things don't go this way, we are then frustrated, angry, sad.

So developing a flexible mind is a way to be open to anything, happy with change, prepared for any situation. Think about it: if there's a major disruption in your life, it's only a bad thing because you're holding onto the way you wish things could be, what you're comfortable with. If you let go of that wish, the change isn't bad. It's just different, and in fact it could be good if you embrace it and see the opportunity.

It's about developing the ability to cope with change, to be flexible, to simplify.

How: Small Practices

You don’t develop flexible mind overnight — your mind isn’t as easy to change as your outfit. You have to develop mental habits with small changes, consistently over time.

Here’s how:

  1. Make a commitment, for one week, to try to let go of what you're holding onto when you get irritated, frustrated, sad, etc.
  2. Make a list of the things that trigger these emotions — being interrupted, someone cutting you off in traffic, someone being loud when you're trying to work, people not washing their dishes, etc.
  3. Create reminders for when those triggers happen — paper notes, a bead bracelet, something written on your hand, a sign on your car's dashboard, etc.
  4. When the trigger happens, pause. Notice the emotion rising. Feel it, but don't act. Breathe.
  5. Try to see what you're holding onto — wishing the driver would be more polite, wishing you could do what you were doing without interruptions, wishing other people would be perfect in cleaning up after themselves. These wishes are fantasies — let them go. Be open to the way things are, to changes that have happened. Breathe, open your heart, accept.
  6. Now respond appropriately, without wishing things were different, with compassion.

Repeat however many times you like during the week, or a minimum of once a day.

Please note that you will not be perfect at this when you start. It's a difficult skill to learn, because we have emotional patterns that have built up over the years. It's good enough to become more aware of it, and to attempt this method once a day. Be flexible in your desire to get this exactly right. Practice it when you remember for the rest of the year.

Retreat: Flexible Mind, Flexible Heart

In September, I’m holding a retreat with S.F. Zen Center president Susan O’Connell called Flexible Mind, Flexible Heart: How to be Happy at Work.

It’ll be held Sept. 6-9, 2013 at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center, a lovely retreat area near Santa Cruz, California. Tassajara has a meditation hall, hot springs, a river and hiking trails, very simple accommodations and wonderful vegetarian food.

Space is limited, so if you’re interested, sign up here.

Wednesday 31 July 2013

zen habits: Declutter Your Life

zen habits: Declutter Your Life


Declutter Your Life

Posted: 31 Jul 2013 11:02 AM PDT

By Leo Babauta

There was a time, about 8 years ago, when my life was cluttered. I had too much stuff, and it kept coming in all the time. I had too much to do, and didn’t know how to simplify my schedule.

I was in need of some decluttering, and I knew it.

When I started to change my habits, from smoking to running to being more mindful, simplifying my life was near the top of the list.

The question became, how to go about it? How do you start when you’re facing a mountain of clutter, and another mountain of commitments, and piles of files and mail and email and other digital information?

The answer became clear, as I got started: start simply. Keep it simple as you go. Simple, each step of the way.

That said, I found complications that made things harder at every turn. I’d like to help you with some of those here, briefly, in hopes that you’ll be inspired to start decluttering.

Start Decluttering

How do you get started? As simply as possible:

  • Take just 10 minutes today to sort though a pile, or declutter a shelf or table or countertop.
  • Put everything into one pile, and start with the first thing you pick up (no putting things back in the pile).
  • Ask yourself: do you really need this? Do you use it regularly? Do you love it? If the answer to any of these is no, then recycle, donate, or give it to someone who might want it. Put it in a box for these purposes.
  • Put things back that you need/use/love, with space between things. This is their “home” and you should always put them back there.
  • Stop after 10 minutes, continue tomorrow for another 10 minutes, and so on, one small spot in your home at a time.
  • If you want to do more than 10 minutes, go ahead, but be careful not to overdo it in the beginning or you’ll think it’s difficult and not want to continue.

Keep Going

Once you’ve gotten the ball rolling, here’s how to keep going:

  • Keep decluttering in small bits. Pick an area to focus on each week.
  • Don’t worry about perfection. Just get it simpler. You can always declutter it more later.
  • Put your box of donation/recycling/giving away in your trunk, to get rid of next time you’re out. Email friends/family to ask if they want things — often you can find a good home for perfectly good things you don’t really use (that workout equipment).
  • If you’re on the fence, use a Maybe Box (put things that you think you might need in a box, mark it with today’s date, put a reminder on your calendar 6 months from now to check on the Maybe Box. If you haven’t used it in 6 months, you probably don’t need it and can get rid of it.
  • Get help. Sometimes you just can’t bear to part with yourself, but if you can get an outside person to make the decision (friend or family member), they are usually much more dispassionate and ruthless.
  • Enjoy the space. Once you’ve decluttered an area, really focus on how much you love the simplified space. Once you’re hooked on this simplicity, you’re more likely to keep going.

Decluttering Your Calendar & Digital Life

Physical decluttering is only one type of decluttering. You can also simplify your day, and your online/computer life as well.

A few simple tips:

  • Decluttering your day is about reducing commitments, and saying no to the non-essential things. So first make a list of your commitments.
  • Make a list of what’s most important to you (4-5 things) and declutter the rest. Say no to people with a phone call or email, and get out of existing commitments.
  • Be very ruthless about saying no to new commitments — and seeing requests as potential commitments. Guard your time.
  • Declutter your digital life one step at a time, just like your physical life. Email newsletters, blogs, social networks, online reading and watching, forums, etc. — are they essential? Can you declutter them?

Dealing With Others

Having other people in your life (home or workspace) can make simplifying more complicated. I have a wife and six kids, so I know how it is.

Some tips:

  • Talk to them about it early on, when you’re just thinking about it (show them this article). Don’t force a decision on anyone, but involve them in the decision-making process.
  • Focus on the benefits, the why, rather than what they need to do and why what they’re doing is wrong. People don’t like to be wrong, but they do like benefits.
  • Lead by example. Show how you can declutter your space, and how much nicer it is, and how much easier it is to find things, to clean, to be at peace during your day.
  • If there’s resistance, focus on decluttering your space. Don’t get frustrated with them, because that makes it more difficult. Instead, remember that you were a clutter-holic not long ago, so empathize.
  • Don’t shy away from an opportunity to discuss simplifying, and why you’re doing it, in a positive way. Criticizing doesn’t help, nor does acting superior. Inspiring helps tremendously.

Help With the Decluttering Habit

This is just a start, to show you that there’s a path. Along the way, you’ll learn much more, about clutter and simplicity and yourself.

If you’d like help with the decluttering habit, join my Sea Change Program ($10/month), where we’ll be spending the month of August focused on Decluttering Your Life.

Sea Change Program: Declutter Your Life

Each month, we focus on a new topic, and I provide a plan, articles, a webinar, a forum, and the chance to form accountability teams. Creating a habit with others is a ton of fun.

Monday 29 July 2013

zen habits: A Month Without Coffee

zen habits: A Month Without Coffee


A Month Without Coffee

Posted: 29 Jul 2013 10:18 AM PDT

By Leo Babauta

For my first month of The Year of Living Without, I gave up coffee. That was something I thought would be very difficult, given my love for coffee and miserable past attempts.

But I loved it.

That was a huge surprise to me. I had absolutely no difficulty in giving up coffee, not the first day, not the first week, not at all.

They key was having a great replacement habit that I really enjoyed. Instead of focusing on sacrificing the coffee, I focused on drinking a lovely cup of tea each morning. I was grateful to be able to drink such good tea, and so the coffee wasn’t even a concern.

So my first month of Living Without wasn’t that difficult, though I did learn a few things. I’ll share my lessons below, then share my Living Without challenge for August: no sitting for longer than 30 minutes.

Going Without Coffee

Some notes on going without coffee:

  • I fully expected to have withdrawal symptoms, like grogginess and headaches and such. Perhaps it’s because there’s a bit of caffeine in the tea (not high amounts as I brew lightly), but I experienced zero withdrawal signs. I was alert and focused even in the early morning.
  • I really thought I’d have a harder time watching others drink coffee, but it wasn’t difficult at all.
  • The only time I had urges was from the smell of coffee, which is really an amazingly enticing aroma. There aren’t many other smells like it. So Eva would brew some coffee, and of course it’s really good coffee, and it smells great. But the urge wasn’t too strong.
  • The strongest urge came one day when I was eating something that was a bit fatty (stir-fried in olive oil) and a bit spicy (chili powder), and Eva’s coffee was right in front of me, so I could smell it. Apparently the combo of spice and fat and the strong smell of coffee is a very strong trigger for me. The urge lasted for awhile, but I drank water to rinse my mouth of the spice and fat, and walked away from the coffee smell.
  • Another interesting time was in our visit to Portland, where Eva and my friends Jesse and Josh Jacobs wanted to tour some of the best coffee shops. I drove them, and enjoyed the smells of the good coffee at all the great shops, but didn’t drink any. I thought it would be my greatest challenge, but it wasn’t too bad. The smells were great.
  • Other times we visited Blue Bottle Coffee, for Eva, and I would have liked to have gotten a soy Gibraltar (a lovely creamy drink just a bit bigger than a shot glass, not on the menu). But I didn’t, and I was fine.

Notes on Living Without

This Year of Living Without is an experiment, to help me learn about myself, about my urges and desires and the resistance to changing things I think I really need.

All of us resist things we think we can’t live without, but I believe it’s not the truth, that we can live without more than we think, and in doing so we can change just about anything in our lives.

So what have I learned, after only a month? A few things:

  • I thought I would miss coffee more than I did. Often we anticipate more suffering than there actually will be. This has happened to me numerous times — I thought I wouldn’t be able to give up cheese (it was easy) or a car, or meat, or eating junk food or fast food all the time. But those things were all very easy, and each time it was a surprise.
  • Having a great replacement habit makes it much, much easier. When you focus on the sacrifice, you are mentally suffering all the time. But when you focus on the good thing you’re getting instead, it’s wonderful.
  • The urges are temporary, even at their strongest. Most urges weren’t that bad, and while normally we give into our urges, I had no trouble not giving in. Even the strongest urge was just there for a bit, then went away. I sat through the strongest urge, and felt it, and sat in the discomfort, and found it wasn’t horrible. Sitting in discomfort, allowing yourself to feel it, is a great learning experience.
  • Having pre-set limits is a powerful tool to fight urges. Usually we give in to our urges, because there’s nothing stopping us. Have a piece of pizza or a cookie? Why not? But if you set rules, with limits, you can more easily resist the urges — which is a good thing.
  • Having public accountability is also a powerful thing. Having told everyone (including all of you) that I’m not drinking coffee made it much, much more likely that I wouldn’t.

My Tea Habit

This was the best thing about the month without coffee (aside from what I learned about urges). My tea habit was consistent (even during travel), and it’s something I hope to continue.

Some notes on the tea habit (none of the links are affiliate links):

  • Tea is nice in the morning (I was previously mostly an afternoon tea drinker), because it’s light, you don’t feel overbuzzed, and it becomes a mindfulness ritual, noticing the flavors and aromas present in the tea as you pay attention and sip.
  • I also feel healthier drinking tea. The health benefits of coffee can be debated (not sure where I stand, as there are pros and cons), but tea is hard to debate. You feel light and strong at the same time.
  • My favorite morning tea has been the Bai Mudan white tea from Samovar, brewed lightly. It’s a lovely tea early in the morning. I’ve also enjoyed Monkey Picked Iron Goddess of Mercy oolong, and the Breakfast Blend Black Tea. But the lighter white tea is perfect on an empty stomach in the morning.
  • For traveling, I used this brewing basket. It was a nice minimalist setup.
  • Jesse Jacobs of Samovar gave me this fancy automated tea pot as a gift. It’s absolutely fantastic, and though you absolutely don’t need it, if you want to splurge (or delight a friend who loves tea with a great gift), it’s the best tea maker I’ve ever seen.
  • As per Jesse’s recommendation, I like a faster brew with more tea leaves, rather than smaller amounts of tea steeped for a long time (what most people do).
  • Oolong and greens in general are my favorites, though I do love a good white or pu-ehr.

Will I Continue Without Coffee?

This has been a question for me all month long — do I continue to go without coffee after July 31, or should I bring it back?

The honest truth is, I haven’t missed coffee other than an odd occasion where we go somewhere that has amazing coffee. And I’ve really enjoyed the tea in the morning.

However, this article gives me pause and has me wondering if I should include some coffee, when I feel like it.

So here’s what I’ve decided: I’m going to continue to drink tea, not coffee, in the morning. But I’ll allow myself a sip or three (up to half a cup) if there’s really good coffee being brewed at a great coffee shop. I think that’s a good balance.

Next Month: Without Sitting Longer Than 30 Minutes

So for my next challenge in The Year of Living Without, I’m going to go without sitting for longer than 30 minutes.

Here’s what I’ll do:

  • While awake, I won’t sit for longer than 30 minutes — after 30 minutes, I’ll get up for 15 minutes.
  • During the 15-minute break, I’ll do one of these things: yoga, bodyweight exercises, go for a walk, clean, play with the kids, run, drink tea standing up, read standing up, or do a gym workout. I can do other things, but this is what I’m thinking.

I should note that there are a couple of exceptions to this rule: 1) sleeping for longer than 60 minutes is OK, and 2) on an airplane I will just do my best not to sit for longer than 30 minutes (but won’t always be able to stand up for 15 minutes).

Some notes:

  • Yes, I’ve tried a standing desk. I don’t like standing for more than a few hours a day. I’d rather sit when I write.
  • I’m really looking forward to doing the yoga. I have a friend, Toku, who has started creating a new 10-minute yoga routine for me each week. It’s a great mindfulness practice, while also stretching and getting active.
  • I’m doing this because I think sitting too much is killing us (along with sugar and meat and white flower). Keeping sitting in moderation is probably a good idea.

Thursday 25 July 2013

zen habits: The Healthful Vegan Diet

zen habits: The Healthful Vegan Diet


The Healthful Vegan Diet

Posted: 25 Jul 2013 07:00 AM PDT

‘Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.’ ~Hippocrates

By Leo Babauta

Eat plants. Those two words are the best things I’ve learned about diet, and if you stick to that, you’re likely be pretty healthy.

That said, eating a vegan diet (no animal products) doesn’t necessarily equate to a healthy diet, despite what many believe.

Yes, vegans on average are healthier and leaner than the average person. But that’s an average — there are unhealthy vegans.

How is that possible? You can eat lots of sweets, fried foods, processed foods, foods with white flour (breads, cakes, cookies, pasta), and beer, and still be a vegan. And not super healthy.

Since going vegan, I’ve slowly transitioned my diet from the convenient vegan foods (prepared plant “meats”, pizzas, beer, delicious vegan sweets), to something much healthier.

I’d like to share that with you today.

Amazing Plant Foods

Here’s what I suggest eating:

  • Green veggies: The king of healthy plant food. Kale, broccoli, darker lettuces, chard, collard greens, mustard greens, arugula, green beans. Eat as much of these as you can, every day. Several servings.
  • Other veggies: Orange and red and yellow veggies like carrots and red bell peppers and squash and tomatoes and pumpkin and sweet potatoes, along with all kinds of mushrooms, onions and garlic, cauliflower. Pile these on, throw them in stir-fries, put them in soups!
  • Plant proteins: Despite what many people believe, protein is easy to get on a vegan diet. Beans of all kinds (black beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, white beans, pinto beans), lentils, soy beans (edamame, tempeh and tofu). Raw nuts like almonds and walnuts. Seeds like flaxseeds, hemp, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds. I eat all these.
  • Fruits: Yum. These guys are my saviors, because I don’t eat many sweets anymore. Berries and pomegranates are the king of this category, but apples, oranges, grapes, mangoes, kiwi fruit, bananas, peaches, apricots, papayas, pears and so forth are all amazing. Don’t be afraid of fruits.
  • Good fats: Don’t be afraid of fats, but just go for the good ones and minimize trans and saturated fats. If you eat saturated fats, get them from plants (coconuts). My favorite fats: nuts of all kinds, avocados, ground flaxseeds, olive and canola oil. I also take a vegan EPA-DHA supplement (like fish oil, but from algae instead) for extra health — brain, joint, heart health, among other good benefits.
  • Whole grains: Many people these days who try to be healthy are afraid of grains. I have not seen any good scientific evidence that they’re bad for you, but lots that they’re good. However, avoid white flour, and in fact most flour should be minimized altogether. If you’re going to eat bread, try flourless sprouted grain breads. Other good choices: quinoa (actually a seed, not a grain), brown rice, amaranth, millet, steel-cut oats. If you’re allergic or intolerant to gluten, of course avoid gluten, but most people can eat gluten just fine.
  • Others: I drink a glass or two of red wine every day, along with at least a couple glasses of tea. And lots of water. Some good spices to add to your dishes: cinnamon, tumeric, cayenne.

Special notes for full vegans: If you’re on an all-vegan diet for long, you’ll want to ensure that you’re getting Vitamin B12, either from a vegan supplement or through fortified foods like soymilk or fortified nutritional yeast. Iron, calcium and Vitamin D are other things to look out for, but it’s not hard to figure out. I highly recommend Vegan For Life for more on these nutritional requirements, and the blogs by the two authors of that book: nutritionists Ginny Messina and Jack Norris.

Stuff to Eat Less Of

I don’t like to “villainize” any foods, because we shouldn’t be afraid of foods or develop some kind of complex. So all foods are fine in small bits, but unfortunately most people eat them all the time.

Here’s what you should keep to a minimum:

  • Animal products (for health but mostly ethical reasons) – meat, poultry, eggs, dairy
  • Fried foods
  • White flour, white rice, white potatoes
  • Trans fats of any kind
  • Sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, other sweeteners, especially artificial sweeteners
  • Chemicals and weird ingredients that aren’t really food

What a Healthy Vegan Diet Looks Like

So how do you put this all together into an everyday eating plan? Well, there are countless variations, but I’ll share some things I like to eat:

  • Breakfast: My go-to breakfast at the moment is Ezekiel Flax Sprouted Whole Grain Cereal, with soymilk, raw almonds and walnuts, berries and ground flaxseeds. Other breakfasts I like: scrambled tofu and chock-full oatmeal.
  • Lunch & dinner: Lately I’ve been eating either cubed tempeh or black beans, cooked with garlic/onions, olive oil, diced carrots, diced tomatoes, mushrooms, and any kind of greens I can get, all stir-fried together with salt, pepper and sometimes chili powder or other spices. Other good choices: three-bean chili, lentil curry with veggies, or just a big salad with greens, nuts, fruits, seeds and a balsamic vinaigrette. The above-mentioned scrambled tofu also works. When in doubt, follow this formula: beans (including lentils, tempeh, tofu), whole grain (e.g. brown rice or quinoa or sprouted grains bread) and veggies (greens and others), along with a good fat like olive or canola oil or nuts or avocados.
  • Other: I snack on nuts and fruits, or veggies with hummus. As mentioned, I also drink unsweetened tea, red wine and water.

That’s how my diet normally looks, though I will make conscious exceptions on occasion. Lately I’ve been making fewer exceptions and feeling healthier than ever!

The Incredible Benefits

Since turning vegetarian then vegan, I’ve been unbelievably healthy — I feel strong and alive, and I almost never get sick. Neither do my wife and kids, and in fact my daughter’s strong asthma-related attacks are now gone. If you do it right, a plant diet can do wonders for your health.

The benefits of a healthful vegan diet are too many to name in one post, but they are many and they’re powerful. I’ll point you to a few resources here — please do check them out:

I highly recommend the book Super Immunity by Dr. Joel Fuhrman — it spells out the science behind the micronutrients in plant food, and how they can help prevent important diseases from flu to heart disease to cancers of all kinds. It’s amazing.

I also recommend two videos: Forks Over Knives and More Than an Apple a Day: Preventing Our Most Common Diseases. Both are highly informative.

How to Do It

What if your diet includes a lot of the “Stuff to Eat Less Of” right now, and you think you just can’t give it up? Try going a week without one of these. It’s not as hard as you think. Do one at a time, and if the first week isn’t bad, try two or three weeks, or a month. After a month or so, you’ll find you won’t miss it at all. Then try another.

You’d be amazed at how your taste buds can change for the better pretty quickly. The voice that says, “I could never give up …” isn’t really true.

If you’d like to try a healthful vegan diet for a week, check out my collaborative site, the 7-Day Vegan Challenge.